


A case study in abusive friendship

by CallieFlower



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abuse, Analysis, Character Study, Dream Smp, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Essay, M/M, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Other, This Is Your Trigger Warning, Verbal Abuse, as well as a mention of suicide, l'manberg, this content deals with abuse and trauma, tommy's exile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27970700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallieFlower/pseuds/CallieFlower
Summary: An essay I wrote on the case study presented by Tommyinnit and Dream in their canon roleplay on the Dream SMP. It focuses on the analysis of the methods used by Dream to manipulate Tommy and the steps Tommy will have to take in order to escape the cycle of abuse.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 77





	A case study in abusive friendship

In the canon roleplay on the dream smp, the friendship between Tommy and Dream is an invaluable example and case study of abuse of power in the realm of friendship. Their relationship exemplifies the toxicity that can develop when there is a significant power dynamic in a relationship. The power difference between Tommy and Dream on the smp is the key factor in the inherently abusive nature of their friendship, and manifests itself in the form of physical threats, but more often in the form of emotional manipulation, or rather the act of the abuser leveraging the friendship to exert control over the victim. In addition, the abuser may also use other psychological manipulation tactics to force the victim to do what they want, or to increase the sway they have over the decisions and, eventually, the thought process of the victim.

First, Dream began the manipulation arc, which for the sake of the argument, will begin on Tommy’s exile. After gaining Tommy’s trust by settling originally for probation, he tells Tommy to get into the boat and go with Dream into exile. Here, when Tommy is angry at him for instigating the exile, Dream tells him that it was his friends who voted for the exile, beginning the process of severing the trust between Tommy and his friends, particularly Tubbo. When this strategy is not fully effective, he becomes angry, swearing at Tommy and intimidating him into submission. He gives Tommy the choice of where to settle, blunting the impact of the previous physical threat (“go or I'll kill you”) and making another. Throughout all of this, he refuses to acknowledge that Ghostbur is with him, even going so far as to deny it, further isolating Tommy through this method of gaslighting. He again threatens Tommy with violence to make him empty his inventory and to further establish his total power over him, Dream destroys it.

After the beginning of the arc, Tommy is left alone for several weeks in his new home with only Dream for consistent company. By physically isolating Tommy, Dream begins the process of programming compliance into him, along with deepening emotional isolation. All the information Tommy gets about L’Manberg and his friends is funneled through Dream. Though systematic gaslighting, in which Dream tells Tommy insistently that he is not seeing reality, or that he is hallucinating visitations from his friends, as well as periodically destroying Tommy’s stuff, Dream installs himself as the sole benefactor of Tommy’s. By the two week mark, Dream exerts control over every aspect of Tommy’s life, from where he goes, like when Tommy goes to Techno’s house, and even though Dream is off stream, he fears his ire so much that he avoids reaching out for help, to controlling whether Tommy lives or dies. This is most acutely exemplified when Tommy considers suicide by leaping into lava, Dream appears, telling him “it’s not your time to die yet, Tommy.” This implies that Dream, when the time comes, will be the one to decide when and how Tommy dies.

The funnel-like slope of abuse only accelerated after Dream stops Tommy’s suicide, growing to the point of Dream making Tommy destroy his own items, the next step in compliance conditioning. As it is shown when Tommy says “I don’t want to”, and tries to hide a sword from Dream, he is still fighting the mind control efforts, so to counteract his attempt to resist, Dream increases the amount of time he and a Tommy spend together, and decreases the contact he has with anyone else, cultivating resentment and goading Tommy to lash out and destroy the relationships that could serve as a lifeline. The others do not attend Tommy’s meticulously planned beach party. At this point, Dream does not have to explicitly say it’s because they don’t care, Tommy comes to the conclusion himself. This demonstrates that Dream completed the next step of the cycle, establishing himself firmly as the only 'real' link Tommy has with the outside world. Tommy even begins to resent Ghostbur. Dream continues his program of reinforcing compliance and viciously punishing disobedience, carefully interspersing these 'lessons' with rewards in the form of new items, that Dream can take away at any time. He gives Tommy a trident and tests his obedience when asking for it back. Tommy attempts to hide it, and is scolded by Dream, who threatens to revoke their friendship, the only one he says that Tommy has. In response to this threat, Tommy quickly returns the trident and Dream rewards him with another in return. Dream asks if Tommy had fun, and Tommy tells him yes, he did. In eliciting such a response from him, Dream has successfully completed the initial cycle of compliance conditioning.

In conclusion, the events that have unfolded thus far in the current arc of Tommy's exile and his abusive friendship with Dream, have, at their core, stemmed from the imbalance of power between the two. The imbalance can be seen in the age difference, in Dream's status as the owner of the server, in Dream's control of Tommy's visitors and of the information he receives, and in the way Dream holds Tommy's most favored possessions, the disks, hostage. If Tommy is ever to escape the abusive relationship he has been conditioned into, he will have to break the cycle in such a way that does not jeopardize his personal safety, ruling out an escape to the Dream-controlled Badlands, as well as refuge in L'Manberg, leaving his most likely escape route being Technoblade, who has both the ability and willingness to protect him from Dream, and a base far enough away from the land controlled by Dream to afford Tommy refuge, at least temporarily. However, if he is to make any move to get out of the cycle of abuse, Tommy will have to take the most critical step of any abuse victim: breaking his silence. Only then can he be free.

**Author's Note:**

> whew! thank you so much for reading. this was a grand endeavor, but very rewarding. let me know your response or opinions in the comments below, or if you'd rather, leave me some kudos to show you liked it. either way, i'm very glad i wrote this. until next time!  
> xoxo  
> callie


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